Be Still

There are days where left and right, up and down- everything seems to be going horribly wrong. And sometimes I have legitimate reasons to feel that way, no doubt. However, through counseling and therapy I’m starting to be more aware of my feelings and I’m noticing some things about myself. Ha, with that said, half the time I’m going nuts, crying, accusing, feeling like I’m drowning in problems I’ll never overcome and it stems from…. nothing. Yep, nothing. Internally, it’s coming from many places. My thoughts. Thoughts that are uncontrollable and come and go. They’re just thoughts, yet I believe them. Externally? This is just life! Things happen. It’s nothing. Nothing externally caused this massive disturbance of my peace of mind. Prayer always helps me ignore and overcome negative thoughts, but when I’m in the middle of a meltdown I rarely think about praying until the worst of it is over, and the damage is done. So basically, when those negative thoughts are festered into negative feelings, the negative feelings are put into negative actions. And that is a horrible place to be. Yikes. 

Today I got upset over something so frustrating. I’ve been trying for months now to establish a new PCP. I waited for weeks to see a new doctor and literally when I walked into the office today I got an “OMG” look from the lady working front desk. “I’m so sorry, the nurse practitioner had an emergency and will not be back in office until the 14th.” I’ve had a lot of bad luck with doctors, I have a lot of weird stuff going on with my health, and so this was kind of like a tipping point. Normal Anna would rage, but then again, I am on the crazier side of the spectrum. 

I started to find myself falling into a destructive mindset, fast. I also (surprisingly) made myself aware, fast. And I decided to be still. I prayed. I asked myself: is this really worth losing my peace over? Is it the end of the world? Do I even have a reason to be feeling this way right now? The sooner I identified my feelings and what was happening in REAL life, not in my head, I was able to breathe. I only needed to be still. Once I calmed down, I did cry. After all, it’s a frustrating thing to happen. I planned my whole day around this 2pm appointment and it wasn’t a short drive, either. I waited 3 weeks for this appointment and looked forward to it. But I’m okay. Life is good… I’m alive and healthy enough to be driving my car, taking care of my kids, it’s all going to be okay. 

When someone cuts me off in traffic. Be still. So-and-so didn’t text back today, they obviously don’t care… be still. My kids are screaming and the top of their lungs and hitting each other, take a moment (a quick one 😂) and be still. This too shall pass. And the calmer you become in situations that you normally get upset over, the quicker they pass. You realize you were usually overreacting. And your peace and joy become a lot harder to tamper with. 

Note to self and others: Rest easy mama, God is good and He is in you. These days are hard but they are good. And when they’re over, you never get it back. Don’t stop. Keep moving. There is nothing in this world you can worry over that would benefit the following day. It only wastes your precious time. Tomorrow comes and everything is fine. Joy comes in the morning, and we get a new morning every single day 💚